Four Decades, Forty Lessons

What I Wish I Knew When I Was Half My Age

Photo by Isabella Fischer on Unsplash

I hit 40 on the 25th of June, 2024.

The big 4–0. (Cue dramatic music — lol)

Big deal? Nah. It’s technically just another day. But there’s something about round numbers that makes you pause.

You question things you’ve never questioned before and hold on tighter to the good stuff you’ve been taking for granted.

So I paused. And I thought: What have I actually learned in four decades of stumbling around this planet?

What I wish I’d known earlier.

What I’d tell my 20-year-old self if I could.

Turns out, quite a bit. Some of it useful, some of it… less so. But all of it real.

Here’s my list.

40 things. One for each year.

Take what you need, leave the rest.

1. Put yourself first. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup. I used to think putting others first made me a good person. Turns out, it just made me exhausted. Take care of yourself first. It’s like those airplane oxygen masks — secure yours before helping others.
2. Grief doesn’t shrink. You grow around it. It doesn’t get smaller over time. You just get bigger. As your life expands, grief takes up a smaller percentage. But it’s always there. And that’s okay. It’s a testament to how much you loved.
3. You’re not lazy. You’re just not into what you’re doing. Ever notice how you can binge-watch an entire series in a day but can’t find the energy to do that work project? Yeah, that’s not laziness. That’s your brain telling you you’re not interested. Listen to it. Find what lights you up.
4. There’s literally no prize for suffering. Seriously. We’ve all got this weird idea that struggling equals virtue. Newsflash: it doesn’t. If something’s consistently hard, you’re either doing it wrong or doing the wrong thing.
5. Perfectionism = paralysis. Get it done, then make it better. Perfect is the enemy of done. And done is what pays the bills. Ship it, then improve it. That’s how progress happens. Waiting for perfect means waiting forever.
6. Imperfect consistency beats perfect inconsistency. Doing something poorly every day beats doing it perfectly once in a blue moon. Why? Because consistency compounds. Those small, imperfect actions add up over time. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Start now, and stay consistent. Consistency isn’t simply willpower, which comes and goes. Consistency is doing it when you don’t feel like doing it.
7. Want success? Double your rate of failure. Failure isn’t the opposite of success. It’s part of success. Every “no” gets you closer to a “yes.” Every mistake teaches you something. So, fail faster. It’s the quickest way to learn.
8. Get back up when you fall. Life’s gonna knock you down. A lot. Fall down seven, get up eight. The secret isn’t in never falling. It’s in always getting back up. One more time than you fall. That’s all it takes.
9. Be kind to yourself. You’re the only you, you’ve got. You wouldn’t talk to your friends the way you talk to yourself, right? So cut yourself some slack. You’re doing the best you can with what you’ve got. Be your own cheerleader, not your harshest critic.
10. Don’t doubt yourself. Writer and former heavyweight boxer Ed Latimore on outsmarting yourself: “Someone with half your IQ is making 10x as much as you because they aren’t smart enough to doubt themselves.”
11. Own your wins. I used to downplay my achievements because I thought I sounded arrogant. It’s not arrogant, it’s honest. You did the work. You got the result. Own it. False modesty helps no one. Acknowledging your achievements isn’t bragging — it’s recognising your worth. Plus, it inspires others.
12. No regrets. Every day teaches something. Bad days? They’re lessons. Good days? They’re blessings. Best days? They’re memories. There’s value in every experience if you’re willing to find it. So, no regrets. Just learning and moving forward.
13. Make mistakes. Just don’t make them permanent. Screwing up is how we learn. The key is not to let those screw-ups define you. Learn from them, sure. But then move on. Don’t let temporary setbacks become permanent roadblocks.
14. Start driving. You’ll figure out the route along the way. Waiting for everything to align is like waiting for all the traffic lights to turn green before going on your trip. You might never leave.
15. Act on generous impulses immediately. Your future self will thank you. Got an urge to help someone? Do it now. Want to reach out to an old friend? Do it now. Act on the impulse right away rather than putting it off until later.
16. Nobody’s thinking about you as much as you think. That embarrassing thing you did? Everyone’s forgotten about it. They’re too busy worrying about their own stuff. So relax. You’re not the centre of anyone’s universe but your own.
17. Be a learning machine. It compounds faster than you’d believe. The more you learn, the easier it is to learn more. It’s like compound interest for your brain. Read widely. Try new things. Stay curious. Your future self will thank you, again.
18. Let it go. Grudges are too heavy to carry long-term. Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It only hurts you. Forgiveness isn’t about them — it’s about freeing yourself. “Forgiveness is accepting the apology you will never receive.” — Shawne Duperon.
19. Just keep going. The rear-view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. The past is for learning, not living. Keep your eyes on what’s ahead. That’s where the opportunities are. That’s where your future is.
20. Be curious, not judgmental. (Thanks, Ted Lasso) Quick judgments close doors. Curiosity opens them. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll be amazed at what you learn — about others and yourself.
21. Your mood isn’t everyone else’s problem. Having a bad day? Fine. But don’t make it everyone else’s bad day, too. Your feelings are valid, but they’re also your responsibility. Handle them accordingly. Don’t be like a troll on Twitter. Just because you’re all upset, everybody else has to feel upset.
22. Apologising shows strength, not weakness. Admitting you’re wrong takes guts, and saying you're sorry takes even more. Do it anyway. It’s not about being weak. It’s about being human.
23. Sometimes stuff just happens. Sometimes, life just happens. Accept it. Deal with it. Move on. Don’t waste energy on pointless blame games.
24. You can’t change the world, but you can change yourself. Wanting to change the world is great. But start with your own garden. Change yourself, and you might just inspire others to change, too. That’s how real change happens.
25. Life’s precious because you can’t rewatch it. You get one shot at today. One. Make it count. Because tomorrow, today, will be gone forever. So live it. Fully. Presently. It’s the only way to live without regrets.
26. Happiness is contagious. Spread it around. Your joy doesn’t diminish when you share it. It multiplies. So smile at strangers. Laugh out loud. Celebrate small wins. Your happiness might just be the spark someone else needs. There’s that lovely thing, “A society grows great when old men plant trees, the shade of which they know they will never sit in.” Good people do things for other people. That’s it. The end (From After Life)
27. Only compete with yesterday’s version of yourself. Focus on being better than you were yesterday. That’s the only competition that matters.
28. Be in the arena. Getting dirty beats clean criticism. It’s easy to criticise from the sidelines. It’s hard to be in the game, risking failure. But that’s where the real living happens. Get in the arena. Get dirty. It’s worth it. If you haven’t read Roosevelt's The Man in the Arena, do it now!
29. You can disagree silently. Save your energy. Not every thought needs to be spoken. Not every battle needs to be fought. Choose your conflicts wisely. Sometimes, the best response is no response at all.
30. Your choices construct your life.
31. Direction trumps speed. Know where you’re going. It doesn’t matter how fast you’re moving if you’re going in the wrong direction. Take time to figure out where you want to go. Then start moving. Slowly in the right direction beats quickly in the wrong one.
32. Keep trying: A winner is just a loser who tried one more time.
33. Focus on inputs, not outputs. Show up consistently. You can’t control the results. But you can control your efforts. Focus on showing up, doing the work, being consistent. The results will follow.
34. You’re self-employed, even if you’re not. Act like it. Whether you work for yourself or someone else, you’re in charge of your career. Your skills. Your growth. Your happiness. Take ownership. Act like the CEO of You, Inc.
35. Doing something beats doing nothing. Always. Stuck? Do something. Anything. Movement creates momentum. You can course-correct along the way. But you can’t steer a parked car.
36. You should be exactly where you are. Comparisons are pointless. Your journey is yours alone. It’s not a race. It’s not a competition. You’re exactly where you need to be right now. Learn from it. Grow from it. By age 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, etc., you should be at whatever stage of life you’re at. Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t waste energy wishing you were somewhere else.
37. Not giving a shit is surprisingly liberating. You can’t please everyone. So stop trying. Figure out what truly matters to you. Focus on that. Let the rest go. It’s amazing how much lighter you’ll feel.
38. Do what you want. It’s your life, not theirs. Other people’s expectations are their problem, not yours. Live your life for you. Chase your dreams, not someone else’s. At the end of the day, you’re the one who has to live with your choices.
39. Be curious out loud. It’s the fastest way to learn. Ask questions. Lots of them. Don’t worry about looking stupid. The only stupid question is the one you don’t ask. Curiosity is the shortcut to knowledge and connection.
40. Life is cyclical. Build systems to ride the waves. Life has ups and downs—that’s a given. Instead of fighting it, build systems to help you navigate. Good habits, strong relationships, and resilience—these are your life rafts when the waters get rough.

And finishing with a quote from one of my favourite thinkers, James Clear:

“Whatever age you are today, your future self would love to be it.

Most people do not consider 65 to be a young age… but when you’re 75, you’d love to rewind to 65 and regain those years. Few people would describe 35 as your youth, but in your mid-50s your mid-30s will seem like the “young you.”

Today is a great opportunity, no matter your age. Looking back in a few years, today will seem like the time when you were young and full of potential or the moment when you could have started early or the turning point when you made a choice that benefited your future.

The moment in front of you right now is a good one. Make the most of it.”

Have a good one!

Emre